Catching Up

Hi! It’s been a full week since my last blog and I’m glad to be back in the consistency club. The past few days have been filled with doing what I’m supposed to be doing actually, being inspired, freaking out, falling off wagons, getting back up, etc. Do I have a clearer idea of what my project will be? Yes! But I haven’t gotten there without hiccup..

Last Friday, I did not post in here, but I did write a feverish entry in a coffeeshop, my journal jauntily perched on my knee while furiously scribbling my frustrations. I’m going to transcribe it here, so we’re all caught up:

Fri 17 Feb

I’ve just come from the most frustrating class I could have imagined. I’ve come to calm down in a local coffeeshop and am once again one of those solitary figures in a public place, scribbling in a dog-eared notebook. I’m at watershed period of inquiry at the moment. Whatever I choose could lead to eventual job fulfilment and actual streams of revenue. So I feel the need to make the most of this opportunity.

I am currently exploring the 2D digital possibilities of approaching a fashion concept. I’m looking to see how my talents and experience can elevate the fashion beast and vice versa, really. Because I’ve done a semester of digital prototyping before this, I opted into a class with my old teacher from then. I’d forgotten why the class was largely ineffective for me in terms of learning. Besides my own responsibility, a big part of it was that the teacher lacked didactic skills, as so many do. As a person she is naturally vague (though kind) and seems to not see this as an impediment to her ability to relay information clearly. This attribute does not gel well with the concrete nature of her subject, which she still seems to be figuring out as she goes along.

This is very frustrating for a student looking for help. So how to turn this around? People have succeeded before… I realised then, that its the pro-active students who take a lot of initiative with regards to self learning who manage to suck out what the lesson has to offer. I was hit with the feeling of ‘being on my own’, again, and the long tentacles of fear started to wind through my recent memories of failure and humiliation. My thoughts started tumbling down a spiral staircase of hopelessness and I was boiling in my seat, seething toward the teacher whom my fear was elevating to the status of a roadblock.

After class I caught myself: I realise what’s happening and that it doesn’t mean its over. It just means that its up to me and thats ok because I have access to all the resources I could need. So I needn’t let dread set in. Just be mindful of the inevitable discomfort of the unknown. It’s ok. Yesterday, at the drinks with the girls, one of them confided that at the exam for her successful alternative graduation project, the teachers apologised for not having been able to guide her. It brought me comfort to realise that indeed, sometimes they simply don’t know what to make of you and are so into their ‘teacher’ routine that they cannot think outside of their box or the one they have for you.

The true challenge here is the self belief. Detaching from a need for affirmation  :/ That was the real message of this morning’s lesson.

POA: Stay open and continue with my inspiration trajectory. After the scheduled ‘Open’ time is over, come up with a few different directions to go into and consult with teachers then about which way to go. But don’t go to them expecting answers. Go to get feedback on your own conclusions – because they don’t know.

After this, I went to the Rijksmuseum where they have an exhibition on the relationship between South Africa and the Netherlands. From colonial beginnings, straight through to a photo essay on the ‘Born Free’ generation with post-apartheid states of mind. The material in between was as rich as it was varied and was very much appreciated by this remote African.



Thursday evening is here and the week has flown by. Its been jam packed with  a whirlwind of inspiration swirling thoughts. I still haven’t documented it all in a process book, which indicates that I need to schedule it in more reasonably.

I’ve just returned from an after school drinks date with some girls from school. Its been a full day, kicked off with class in the morning and museum visits in the afternoon. I’d never been to the Rijksmuseum before, so I was at first overwhelmed by the richness of skill that the Dutch masters had the luxury of developing. At the same time I couldn’t help but feel the latent tremors of oppressive undertones, which facilitated the extortionate golden age. Though done with admirable skill, canvas after canvas of red faced prancers in the finest of finery started to look more and more like modern day gangsters dripping in All Gold Everything. The sentiment of which, Lil Wayne so aptly summarised with the line, “Look at you… now look at us… all my niggas look rich as fuck”. Maar echt. Anyhow, tomorrow I’m going back there, since I actually went there today for a specific exhibition called, Goede Hoop, which will explore the centuries old relationship between South Africa and the Netherlands.

After that we had an evening of presentations organised by the school. Two recent graduates as well as a successful collective of designers who graduated from a school in Den Haag. Having been at school for a while longer, I knew the two speakers and went for a drink with them after the presentation. They gave me so much hope regarding finding my own way through this graduation project. Of course they also asked about my plans of approach for graduation, and as I told them my yet unformed story, I registered their confusion and it was nice to notice in myself that I still believed regardless. I saw their doubt but managed to keep mine in check, which is leaps and bounds in terms of progress for me. Something about the talks with positive teachers in the last few days, as well as being around people who have had success despite struggling, is restoring my faith – which I’m going to need. Self belief is the barrier here, but in moments like these I’m able to realise how there’s not really much else in my way, and that no matter how steep my learning curve, I’m one of the lucky few to even have a shot. X

Filling that cup

Yes! I made it to my desk just in time for my credibility not to have left! I skipped a day of writing yesterday and am glad that the ‘gravity working against me’ did not win this time. Its weird how our beings, or rather mine, knows what’s good for it but there seems to be a malevolent force pulling you in the opposite, habitual direction of what’s not good for you Everyday adulting entails feeding yourself the medicine instead of the spoon full of sugar.

To be honest, another thing keeping me from writing about the day before yesterday was simply that there was nothing positive to report. I had one of those days where I’m absolutely riddled with self doubt and fluid melancholy seeps into every moment. I suspect it has a lot to do with having to go back to my school building everyday. I’ve a brave and sensitive soul, which seems to really absorb the ripples of antagonism when I’m physically there. I had to go for one class and got out as soon as I could, but even though I tried to shake it off, I found myself being glum – ALL DAY! With one’s feelings I really understand how the phrase, ‘Mind over Matter’ was called for, because when I zoom out I know that I’m exactly where I should be, not to mention one of the lucky ones. So I’m accosted on two levels – knowing that its ok, but really not feeling ok, and having to get shit done anyway. Man am I being trained.

The only progress made that day was a chat with Dan about what I want concretely want the message of my project to be. We used my criticism of the fashion industry to eke out a sentiment and tried to steer me in the direction of merging this with my strengths. He also didn’t get why I seeking inspiration is still important if I already know my theme. I got to explain to him and make clear to myself that its because I’m looking for a new way to present it and when I’m in galleries and museums, I’m also looking at the current ways of presentation. Speakers from the ceiling, projectors, etc.

And so we arrive at my self scheduled museum day in Rotterdam! It was so nice for this timid mouse to get out its little box. As much as I am sensitive to negative vibes, I am also highly susceptible to positive ones 😀 Its amazing how much I got from just the train ride! Watching the bucolic platitudes of the Dutch landscape go by, and steadily change into the stern mural of steel and concrete which is Rotterdam, left my bleeping phone untouched in my pocket for the entire journey.

In rotterdam there’s simply more space. It doesn’t feel as squashed as Amsterdam. Yes, there are tourists too, but you catch wind of their foreign tones from a distance, as opposed to the centre of Amsterdam where it feels more like their tongue is in your ear.

I squeezed in about 4 separate museum/gallery experiences. I had moments of true inspiration and realised how important it is to find out what fills your cup and actually be busy with that.

Gotta run again! My POA is to go to a fitness class, come back and help clean the BnB, check in a guest go to school 😦 And then work on my process book. If I manage all of this, I will have won today.

Weekend Progress

It’s Monday morning, I get to write my blog post, and to be honest I’ve missed you. I’m glad I’m getting into a habit of regular writing. This weekend I’ve also started practising another atrophying muscle – my drawing skills. Drawing, like writing, is one of the things that come naturally to me but when out of practise, it takes a while getting back to fluidity.

But lets start from where I left off – Friday. Friday was the day I was going to see my devil teacher for the first time after that fateful day of failing last semester. It was every bit as draining as I anticipated. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I felt in some way supported as a student by this teacher. But I have multiple reasons to not feel like support is on the menu with this guy. How to describe him? He is like a corrupt politician, in the way that he has a mask for the masses, is a charismatic liar, and has a self serving agenda behind it all. It took me a good chunk of the weekend to get rid of the bile under my tongue from his class.

An evening out with some friends went a long way to help with that. Cycling around a snowy Amsterdam, hopping from bar to bar, having my first snowball fight on the way home, was exactly what the doctor ordered. The next morning me and my hangover had a date with drawing at a live drawing class, which I got from a thoughtful friend for my birthday. Like I mentioned before, it took a while to get into to it since I never take the time to fit drawing into my schedule. And since I’m planning to make my handwriting a feature in my new project, this needed to happen. The teacher was surprised at my development from the first drawing to the last. The difference was like a misshapen embryo compared to a new born. I was surprised by how much it felt like work! Next time I will make sure to have had breakfast before I go.

I have to run! The rest of the day was spent meeting some girls from school and over coffee discussing the way forward for each of us. That Friday class left not only me in a bit of a tailspin. After which, a closing shift at he cinema delivered me into the early hours of Sunday morning. The rest of Sunday was a forced day of rest. Dan and I cooked a massive English breakfast and spent the rest of the day in a food coma and each other’s presence. For some underlying reason I had intense anxiety all through yesterday and even counting all my blessings didn’t vanquish it. An early night was the only real answer and look at me now! Finishing blog posts before 8:30!

POA: Go to Yoga, Got to school for meeting with process coach, plan museum visits for and rest of week, start on new process book.

Art boobs and moonlight

Good morning 🙂 Its a bit earlier than usual. I have my first class with demon teacher today – that means its the real first day of school! It hasn’t been the first day of Fashion school until you’ve had an encounter with the devil who wears Prada. Or in this case leather aprons with matching bibs #fashion. I’m ready for the day, with its warts and all.

Quick note about yesterday’s POA. The Bnb cleaning almost ruined us for the rest of the day. Everything needed doing and our guests were expected at the earliest opportunity. We made it right in the nick of time and all was well. After that I tried to go to a gallery where there might be a bare breasted photograph of yours truly (!). I did a topless shoot once, not in an erotic way, and the photographer invited me to the opening of a gallery where I assume one of the shots is hung. Was so excited! So I cycled all the way over there, but i was closed, info to the contrary online. I will try again. Since I’m now in the inspiration phase, there’ll be much more gallery tripping. I ended up going to a friend instead and later that evening joined Dan at the cinema to see Moonlight. It was absolutely worthwhile catching it on the big screen and I hope to do a review when next I have time. Maybe I’ll put it under ‘Inspiration in my new Process Book.

Gotta go, wish me luck 🙂

Simple Truths

I’m new to blogging, so the likes on the blog, even if its just one or two, have been a new kind of rush! I used to work in a cafe inside a casino complex. No matter where you were inside, the bathrooms or having a coffee, you could always hear this w
ave-like hum of what sounded like bags of coins hitting the metal mouths of the cash machines. This was not because anyone was winning, it was just some audio carrot being dangled in front of the noses of the devoted patrons.
So last night, as I was going into detail about Likes to Dan, eyes sparkling, he side eyed me with a sage warning about paying that too much attention. Suddenly sober, I actually considered it, and arrived at the opinion that it’s wonderful to have an indicator of appreciation, and that as long as I don’t turn a Like into a dangling carrot for myself, and keep on writing regardless, then I will continue to get out of this what I need  – practise, pleasure, and the simple daring of having made something public.

Yesterday’s POA was to finish my old Process Book and start a new one. I am so pleased to say that I’ve finished the old one! Finally, its not a big, complicated mess in a box anymore. It’s been overviewed, ordered and stacked, all it needs now is binding! It took way more time than expected, obviously, but it was done properly 🙂 So as of today, I can start documenting the new things and move on.

On another note, I have intense muscle pain from Cross Power class yesterday. Wow. I really kicked my own ass. Also, the class reiterated a lesson I’m in the process of learning  – grit. For those who haven’t stumbled across the TED talks and Youtube clips about it – it’s got to do with endurance, and your ability to continue doing things through discomfort. I’ve also had this dawn on me in a yoga class. The teacher once said, ‘Yes, your body is suffering, but it’s just for this moment, you won’t be here forever’.
Also, yesterday, we were put through a rigorous routine of lunges, kettle bell lifts, etc, which you had to complete in your own time. I was the last one done and I realised that my mind had allowed me to take breaks in between exercises, whereas the others regardless of mental fatigue, just went onto the next one. It started to come through that once more, that discomfort is essential to growth. And that the ‘pushing through’ is just a passing moment.

I applied the same thinking when I got tired of working yesterday and it helped me get through the mundanity and just keep it moving. Its a simple kernel of truth, and so essential to what I struggle with – finishing things, being consistent, seeing things through all the way. Oh! Another thing that really helped was having a boiler room IMG_20170208_143255485.jpg
DJ set playing in the background. I was listening to a Drum n Bass session by DJ Marky. Like a jet pack!

As you may have gathered by now, I learn a lot from Dan, who was raised with such undivided attention and foresight, that he has become an exemplary adult early in life. My parents, bless them, gave me what they could, and a lot of that was positive, however there are swathes of simple truths no one had the energy to teach me and so I’m needing to do extra ‘semesters of self’. Everybody does them, no one is ‘finished’, but I think that the magic of a switched on parent lies in the ability to clear a few obstacles in advance. If not, it comes out in seemingly unimportant things – like the laundry. I used to always do little half jobs – put the laundry in, but not take it out. Hang it, but not put it away, leaving it for whatever fairies may come, i.e Dan. One day, recently, he spelled out that when I do that, it’s not done. I haven’t actually ticked off, ‘Do Laundry’, it’s still in progress, still on my plate. Not finished. That’s all it took. Someone to teach me that from step one, as though I was a child. Because that’s literally the level where I left off. Sometimes we have an adult standing in front of us, with varying degrees of skill. The more accomplished skills do not rule out the possibility that they might be stuck at level zero in another area, which seems like ‘year one course work’ standing outside of that. It helps to bear in mind that some people’s teachers didn’t make it to class that day.

This is the quote by Anais Nin, which was written in my birthday card this year from Dan:

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

Fresh POA: Get ready, Help clean BnB guestrooms, Fetch Diploma, Go to museum/something inspiring, Make a log of the new inspiration.

Back on the Wriggly Horse

Once more, I find myself luxuriating in my privilege, this time from a cushy bean bag seat in freelance-friendly cafe, laptop poised to receive my millennial musings. It’s 10am and I’ve just come from a morning Cross Power class, which I feel is the very heart of Dutch feminism. Walking in, there was a male straggler from the class before getting extra tuition from his female boxing instructor. Out the corner of my eye I saw them work through the last minutes, and at the end she cuffed his ear and did a few faux punches at his tummy, which he playfully ducked as he cocked his head to the side and giggled, feeling rewarded. I looked around me at Karina, our beautifully buff teacher and all the women around me with muscles that could eat my muscles and felt justified in my struggle to keep up in general over here.

So yesterday I was trying location changes to help my variety-seeking mind to sustain focus. If my brain is just tricked into either thinking its having fun, or that its moved on to something different, then I don’t hit a wall so soon. I decided to get an early start with work yesterday instead of exercising first, and was going by 9:30. At 11:30 Dan happened to come down to the kitchen for something and I launched into the distraction 100%. He knew what was going on and suggested I change location as discussed and move upstairs to his workspace, as he was about to leave. Eventually I did so and it took me a while but I managed to get into a flow again.

Just a note about what I’m working on at the moment – Before I can start with fresh inspiration I have to order the chaos of my old project into a Process Book format. This means, all the bits and pieces of things I’ve developed from the previous (failed) collection, needs to be ordered in such a way that I can refer back to it myself, as well as with teachers. Since I’m using the same idea as a foundation for this new project, it needs to be legible.
I got quite far with the last project – developed and paid for digital printing of fabric, paid people to help me sew garments and make patterns professional. Going through my ‘Almost doesn’t count’ is kind of draining, so I’ve decided not to loathe myself about what happened next.

Believing I was in control, I decided that going to the supermarket to get something for lunch was a good idea and that I would be walking right by the sweets aisle. Given the fact that in the past I’ve turned to sugar as a mind numbing morphine drip against stress, I now know to feed myself with things that help cognitive function, like protein-packed eggs, avocado or perhaps some lovely lentils.

Finding myself drifting towards the till gingerly clutching a double pack of brownies, a family sized slab of chocolate and the most processed of ready made wraps, I was binge ready :/

I made it through the brownies and wrap, didn’t eat the slab but spent three valuable hours of the day in a sugar coma watching youtube. Dammit! I was so ashamed to have to relay this sorry report when I was later asked, ‘how it went with the location changes? J ‘ I was comforted at least by the fact that I had gotten through 80% of the work that I had set for myself that day, during the hours that I did find focus. And also by Dan mentioning that working from home, on your own discipline, with no real imminent deadline is just hard for everyone.

I fixed it by finishing some home chores before bed, having an early night and therefore actually feeling up to a fitness class this morning. Now, I can also tick off having written my blog post (yay for unprecedented consistency!) and finish off the old stuff so I can move on to the new inspiration.

POA: Go home, eat, change, finish old process book, start the new one!

Inching along

Got enough sleep last night and was properly awake by 8:15 today. I know that’s late to many, but with a self imposed schedule that’s going in the direction of disciplined for me.

Quick recap of my day – I managed to touch base on all the things on my POA yesterday, except I didn’t quite finish the process books, I just made progress, thus the title – Inching Along. I did manage to be on time for my appointment with my teacher. I even went to yoga after that to break up the day. Only crap thing, I didn’t work when I came back. I had dinner and went straight to bed. That habit will have to change, unless I’m doing really early mornings and truly getting started at something like 7 (!). Which from this viewpoint seems insurmountable.

Unexpected bonus of yesterday’s yoga class – got paired up for partner stretching with handsome stranger, hihihi! Got home all giggly and confessed to Dan at once, as I do, haha! Bless him, for totally getting what triggers the latent girly mechanism of giggling and for chuckling right along with me. I’m a lucky girl ❤

Plan Of Action: Work on Process Books. Go outside every two hours, just quickly and see if that sustains my focus and productivity. If I finish something significant, I can go to fitness class. Also, try to swap work shift, contact Pattern Making teacher about new semester.

Saturday Shenanigans

The two biggest events of the weekend were, a museum visit and a club night. After my smoothie bowl at terribly trendy cafe, I felt full of energy and headed to Foam photography museum. I still have about 10 days left on my museum card, so I better use it. I saw the work of Hiroshi Sugimoto, most impressive was his roomful of seascape photographs. Coming from a seaside town myself, oceans make me feel at home. He also had some detailed black and white wildlife photographs and really intense portraits, which I thought might be good to download from the internet and do shading exercises with.
They had a student artist too, who had one picture depicting clothes used to form a sculpture. Again, this idea of appropriating clothing for art purposes pops up. I saw it at Jean Tinguely’s exhibition at the Stedelijk museum as well.

With my last blog post I’d made a plan of action at the end. I was pleased with myself for actually having achieved it in that order. Last on the list was Go to Work. I work part time at a local cinema. What makes the place shine for me, are my colleagues. I’ve been working there for about 6 months and getting to know them has been great in surprising ways: as an expat in the Netherlands, doing an international course, with a partner whose parents are British expats themselves, I didn’t actually have much Dutch friends. Working at this cinema has given me access to Dutchies in most age groups – and it moves my Dutch along too, which is hard over here because everyone speaks English so well, so you never really have to flex that muscle.

After work one of our colleagues was having a house warming party, with the option of going clubbing after. By the time we arrived, it was clubbing time. I hadn’t been proper clubbing for ages. Since I’ve been immersed in school for the past few months, I’ve really needed every minute to work, and if I wasn’t working, sleep has been the next priority. Now, at the beginning of the semester I figured I could afford it. I’ve also really been misssing dancing! The way it works in Amsterdam, is that you have to go to gigs if you really want proper dancing, where that’s the only focus. On a regular Tuesday, the vibe here is more, go to a bar and talk, as you become increasingly drunk but have to confine your enthusiasm to the parameters of a barstool.

We went to a club called Shelter. A black cube unassumingly placed next to the side of the towering Adam building in Amsterdam North. From the centre, you always have to take the 5 minute ferry to North, which added to the drama of the evening as we sailed to the venue in the middle of the night. You have to go down a staircase into the club, which delivers you into the authoritative care of the firm but friendly bouncers just doing their job of rummaging through your things. Next you’re conveyed to the guy who takes your money (17,50!) but jokes reassuringly all the while and with whom you somehow get the feeling you have mutual friends. It would have been less confusing if they were stereotypically steely. Feeling welcome, we scurried around for coins for the lockers and duly stripped for the manufactured environment created lovingly for us. Some acclimatisation really was required since, well, we were not on pills.
What a great night it turned out to be. They really took the time to imagine who would be coming to the party every week. The anti-decor decor was followed through from the tastefully lit dancefloor right to the smokers room, which was not just a pokey hole of ostracisation, but instead was granted a spacious lounge, with seats (!). The DJs were playing techno, of course, but not every song was characterless. They really had the dancer in mind and therefore it was my time to shine! I took this rare opportunity to let out all the moves, yes all of them, even the crouching tiger hidden boxer 🙂 After much exertion, my enthusiasm ran out at about 4am. It took me another half an hour of heartfelt goodbyes before I was back on the ferry.

A thunderous hangover heralded the reality of Sunday afternoon, when I eventually opened my bleary eyes. No such thing as a free lunch, and the bill had landed on my table with an unceremonious thud! Today, Monday, I’m back on the wriggly horse and want to achieve the following.

Yoga. Meeting with teacher at school. Process books up to date (The old one and the new stuff I saw this weekend).


So that was a non-starter. I rushed off to yoga and missed it by 5 minutes because I misjudged how far it was and had been cornered into a stop and chat by our airbnb guests. Nice guests but I really did not have the literal minutes to spare :/

Sigh, anyway. Line in the sand. Its Saturday morning and I’ve decided that my morning ritual will include writing a blog post of the day before. In the evenings I just want to shut down the day, so it’s better to have a writing appointment in the morning. Also helps to wake up my brain.

So, what happened yesterday. It started with the best intentions – making that “global” planning for the semester. And I did make progress. It really helped that I used my earplugs to drown out the noise of the city and potential guest activity in the kitchen. I also had to periodically talk my capacity to focus back to the terrible task at hand – systematically overviewing and putting everything in its own planned place , yiiiiiikes. There is nothing worse. I managed to get an overview of the actual time there is to do this – it comes down to a core of 3,5 months, really. But when it came down to prioritising when to do what, I got all wobbly and turned to youtube. First for just a break, then an extended break, which quickly dissolved into limply calling Dan just to hear some human chatter and then calling it a day!

Lucky for me or unlucky for me he was in the same rut and we made plans to meet and go for dinner. We rolled a joint and ended up at ‘t Zwaantje on the negen straatjes. What an authentically ‘cheap and cheerful’ little Dutch gem. Because I hadn’t taken Dan’s sage advice to get out the house to break up the day, I’d been cooped up for hours. My fun bar was so low that by the end of the dinner I wasn’t ready to pack it in and took a second deadly hit of the pure joint :/ bad idea.

Quick aside about my relationship with weed – In my early adulthood I used it recreationally for partying, it popped the music during a heady time. This was in SA, weed was ubiquitous and joints were mixed with tobacco, my old friend. Upon moving to Amsterdam, it was a good fit that weed was not only readily available, but totally not a big deal with the law. Easy skanking. The strength of weed here though has really not been like anything I knew back in SA. One has to be careful lest you find yourself levitating above the fridge, fully freaked out by the sofa. Not my idea of a good time. So when I’ve been jointing, I’ve mixed it with tobacco, my old friend, and this has been good. You know what it is, though, I’ve long been equally enthralled by the high, as well as with the visual drama of unfurling smoke tumbling out along with tendrils of thought. My friends are always curbing me from inhaling so deeply. And herein lies the problem when you’re now 30, want to stop that dirty habit with tobacco, your old friend, but you still inhale way too deeply from a pure joint on an Adult Friday evening. I got way too high, was dutifully carted off back home by trusty husband, was totally not ready to be back inside and had a tempremental episode, through which Dan had to lovingly trip sit me until I fell asleep. Winning.

So this morning, I was eager to get back on this wriggly horse. Minor set back with the yoga, but just ordered overpriced, beautiful looking smoothie from over-branded coffee concept store and am determined to restore adult card *breathesinchestswells.

POSITIVE TAKEAWAY: from last nights shenanigans, Dan introduced me to Aphex Twin’s Selected Ambient Works – fave: Ageispolis. Also just discovered Anderson .Paak, positive vibes – fave: The bird. Also living off Kaytranada’s Glowed Up. What!

PLAN OF ACTION: Go home, Shower, finish planning, fix my hair, go to work.