Filling that cup

Yes! I made it to my desk just in time for my credibility not to have left! I skipped a day of writing yesterday and am glad that the ‘gravity working against me’ did not win this time. Its weird how our beings, or rather mine, knows what’s good for it but there seems to be a malevolent force pulling you in the opposite, habitual direction of what’s not good for you Everyday adulting entails feeding yourself the medicine instead of the spoon full of sugar.

To be honest, another thing keeping me from writing about the day before yesterday was simply that there was nothing positive to report. I had one of those days where I’m absolutely riddled with self doubt and fluid melancholy seeps into every moment. I suspect it has a lot to do with having to go back to my school building everyday. I’ve a brave and sensitive soul, which seems to really absorb the ripples of antagonism when I’m physically there. I had to go for one class and got out as soon as I could, but even though I tried to shake it off, I found myself being glum – ALL DAY! With one’s feelings I really understand how the phrase, ‘Mind over Matter’ was called for, because when I zoom out I know that I’m exactly where I should be, not to mention one of the lucky ones. So I’m accosted on two levels – knowing that its ok, but really not feeling ok, and having to get shit done anyway. Man am I being trained.

The only progress made that day was a chat with Dan about what I want concretely want the message of my project to be. We used my criticism of the fashion industry to eke out a sentiment and tried to steer me in the direction of merging this with my strengths. He also didn’t get why I seeking inspiration is still important if I already know my theme. I got to explain to him and make clear to myself that its because I’m looking for a new way to present it and when I’m in galleries and museums, I’m also looking at the current ways of presentation. Speakers from the ceiling, projectors, etc.

And so we arrive at my self scheduled museum day in Rotterdam! It was so nice for this timid mouse to get out its little box. As much as I am sensitive to negative vibes, I am also highly susceptible to positive ones 😀 Its amazing how much I got from just the train ride! Watching the bucolic platitudes of the Dutch landscape go by, and steadily change into the stern mural of steel and concrete which is Rotterdam, left my bleeping phone untouched in my pocket for the entire journey.

In rotterdam there’s simply more space. It doesn’t feel as squashed as Amsterdam. Yes, there are tourists too, but you catch wind of their foreign tones from a distance, as opposed to the centre of Amsterdam where it feels more like their tongue is in your ear.

I squeezed in about 4 separate museum/gallery experiences. I had moments of true inspiration and realised how important it is to find out what fills your cup and actually be busy with that.

Gotta run again! My POA is to go to a fitness class, come back and help clean the BnB, check in a guest go to school 😦 And then work on my process book. If I manage all of this, I will have won today.


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