I’m new to blogging, so the likes on the blog, even if its just one or two, have been a new kind of rush! I used to work in a cafe inside a casino complex. No matter where you were inside, the bathrooms or having a coffee, you could always hear this w
ave-like hum of what sounded like bags of coins hitting the metal mouths of the cash machines. This was not because anyone was winning, it was just some audio carrot being dangled in front of the noses of the devoted patrons.
So last night, as I was going into detail about Likes to Dan, eyes sparkling, he side eyed me with a sage warning about paying that too much attention. Suddenly sober, I actually considered it, and arrived at the opinion that it’s wonderful to have an indicator of appreciation, and that as long as I don’t turn a Like into a dangling carrot for myself, and keep on writing regardless, then I will continue to get out of this what I need – practise, pleasure, and the simple daring of having made something public.
Yesterday’s POA was to finish my old Process Book and start a new one. I am so pleased to say that I’ve finished the old one! Finally, its not a big, complicated mess in a box anymore. It’s been overviewed, ordered and stacked, all it needs now is binding! It took way more time than expected, obviously, but it was done properly 🙂 So as of today, I can start documenting the new things and move on.
On another note, I have intense muscle pain from Cross Power class yesterday. Wow. I really kicked my own ass. Also, the class reiterated a lesson I’m in the process of learning – grit. For those who haven’t stumbled across the TED talks and Youtube clips about it – it’s got to do with endurance, and your ability to continue doing things through discomfort. I’ve also had this dawn on me in a yoga class. The teacher once said, ‘Yes, your body is suffering, but it’s just for this moment, you won’t be here forever’.
Also, yesterday, we were put through a rigorous routine of lunges, kettle bell lifts, etc, which you had to complete in your own time. I was the last one done and I realised that my mind had allowed me to take breaks in between exercises, whereas the others regardless of mental fatigue, just went onto the next one. It started to come through that once more, that discomfort is essential to growth. And that the ‘pushing through’ is just a passing moment.
I applied the same thinking when I got tired of working yesterday and it helped me get through the mundanity and just keep it moving. Its a simple kernel of truth, and so essential to what I struggle with – finishing things, being consistent, seeing things through all the way. Oh! Another thing that really helped was having a boiler room
DJ set playing in the background. I was listening to a Drum n Bass session by DJ Marky. Like a jet pack!
As you may have gathered by now, I learn a lot from Dan, who was raised with such undivided attention and foresight, that he has become an exemplary adult early in life. My parents, bless them, gave me what they could, and a lot of that was positive, however there are swathes of simple truths no one had the energy to teach me and so I’m needing to do extra ‘semesters of self’. Everybody does them, no one is ‘finished’, but I think that the magic of a switched on parent lies in the ability to clear a few obstacles in advance. If not, it comes out in seemingly unimportant things – like the laundry. I used to always do little half jobs – put the laundry in, but not take it out. Hang it, but not put it away, leaving it for whatever fairies may come, i.e Dan. One day, recently, he spelled out that when I do that, it’s not done. I haven’t actually ticked off, ‘Do Laundry’, it’s still in progress, still on my plate. Not finished. That’s all it took. Someone to teach me that from step one, as though I was a child. Because that’s literally the level where I left off. Sometimes we have an adult standing in front of us, with varying degrees of skill. The more accomplished skills do not rule out the possibility that they might be stuck at level zero in another area, which seems like ‘year one course work’ standing outside of that. It helps to bear in mind that some people’s teachers didn’t make it to class that day.
This is the quote by Anais Nin, which was written in my birthday card this year from Dan:
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
Fresh POA: Get ready, Help clean BnB guestrooms, Fetch Diploma, Go to museum/something inspiring, Make a log of the new inspiration.